Guilt
by Myra109
Summary: Zane can't handle his guilt after he nearly causes Will to drown in season 3, episode 13. Attempted suicide


_Hi! I actually wrote this a few days ago after seeing season 3, episode 13 and decided to post it._

 ** _Disclaimer: I do not own the TV show, H20 Just Add Water_**

 ** _WARNINGS: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE_**

* * *

Zane always appeared strong and confident, but the truth is… he was easily hurt. He bottled up the pain and sorrow and depression until it was a heavy weight on his chest, bringing him down even as he plastered a smile on his face.

Why did he mess everything up? He always felt invisible, so he tried to do fantastic things to get the attention of others, to make it seem like he was worthy of their attention. He tried so hard… but all he did was mess up, and he almost got Will killed because of his own stupidity.

Would Rikki be able to stand the sight of him ever again? Would Will ever speak to him ever again? Would anyone give him the time of the day if they found out Zane Bennett almost killed Will?

The thoughts never ended. His memory played that awful ten minutes (had it really only been ten minutes?) when Will was missing deep beneath the surface over and over again. It never stopped. He was working; the memory hit him again and again. He was driving his speedboat; the memory hit him again and again. He was goofing around with Nate; the memory hit him again and again and again.

Zane knew he could be a jerk. He knew that. But he didn't know he was cruel enough to cause Will to drown. Zane thought he deserved to be locked up and for the key to be thrown away, but no. That was too merciful.

The guilt was too much, and the only way Zane thought he might be able to lift it was by experiencing the same pain Will had.

Zane knew he couldn't hold his breath for as long as Will did. He knew he would die, and that made him strangely happy. Death was better than this gut wrenching, heart stopping guilt.

Besides, if he was dead, he'd never be able to mess up again, and especially not like he messed up with Will.

Zane wrote the letter and left it resting on his desk where Rikki would see it before he grabbed the keys to his speed boat and walked out of the café, trying to appear as though everything was perfectly normal.

Bella glared at him from the corner table, and Cleo soon followed her lead. Sophie stared at him, blankly, before turning away. Will wouldn't meet his eyes, and Rikki ignored him entirely. Rikki's reaction was the most painful.

Zane gathered the heaviest rocks he could find and climbed onto his speedboat with the rocks in hand. He dropped them on the seat behind him before starting the boat and racing away from the shore.

Zane didn't think twice about his decision. Will had almost drowned because of Zane and had only survived because of Rikki. It was only fair that Zane experienced the same pain that Will had; the difference was… Zane wouldn't be saved. Zane didn't _want_ to be saved.

Zane drove out to where Will had dived earlier that week, where Will had almost died.

The guilt was too much. It was pressing in on him from all sides, and Zane couldn't handle it anymore. He was done. Done scrambling for attention he didn't deserve. Done being hated and seen as a jerk by people who didn't even bother to get to know him. Zane was done hurting.

Zane stopped the boat and took a deep breath.

This was it. It would all be over soon.

He stuffed the rocks into his pocket and stared out over the long stretch of water. He was happy in a way; this ocean was the last thing he would ever see, and Zane was glad he got to see the beauty in this world one more time. In his mind, the world would be much more beautiful without him in it.

It was time. There was no going back now.

Zane stood on the edge of his boat, fiddling with the heavy rocks in his pocket… and then, he jumped.

* * *

"Zane," Rikki said as she walked into the office. "Have you got change for a… Zane?"

The office was empty, and Rikki wondered why Zane had never come back. Then, she spotted the letter.

It was a folded piece of paper with Rikki written on it, and Rikki picked it up, unfolding it and revealing the words written on the inside.

 _To the most amazing girl I have ever met,_

 _I know you don't want to have anything to do with me. I wouldn't want anything to do with me either, and don't worry. You won't have to see me ever again._

 _Will almost died because of me. If he hadn't survived, it would've been all my fault. I didn't know how to make that right or how to rid myself of this awful guilt until I found a way._

 _The only way I could make things better was by feeling the same pain Will did. The pain of drowning._

 _Just know that my last thought will be of you. My life was not as sunny and perfect as it appeared. In fact, it was rather bleak, but you were my sunlight in the darkest night I have ever seen. I love you, Rikki. No matter what happens, never forget that._

 _-Zane_

Rikki could've sworn her heart stopped as the letter slipped from her fingers and fluttered to the floor.

Then, she was off. Running into the café and skidding to a halt beside her friends' table.

"I need your help," Rikki exclaimed, dead serious. "It's Zane."

"What about him?" Bella asked, flatly, still not too happy with Zane after the whole drowning incident, and Rikki couldn't blame her.

"I think he's going to try and kill himself," she hissed.

"What?" Cleo demanded.

"I found a note, saying Will almost died because of him and he felt so guilty, and the only way he could think of to make things better was by feeling the same pain Will did."

"What does that mean?" Bella asked.

"Drowning," Will realized. "We need to get back to the diving sight."

The four of them dashed outside and leaped into the water. Bella latched onto Will's hand before they shot through the water like rockets, and Will tried to ignore the dizziness that came with the immense speed.

They could see Zane's speed boat in the water, and while Will swam up for a quick gulp of air, Rikki dove deeper without pausing.

She found Zane soon enough, and she pressed her lips against his, breathing air into his lungs. She did this multiple times, but he didn't wake, so Rikki hurried to drag him towards the surface… only for her efforts to be halted by her surprise at how heavy Zane was.

Rikki reached for Zane's pockets and found several huge rocks, which she dropped, and the rocks sank towards the bottom of the ocean while Rikki dragged Zane up towards the light shining through the surface of the water.

Rikki gasped as she broke the surface, and Will and Cleo helped her pull Zane onto the boat.

"Zane!" Rikki cried, tears streaming freely down her cheeks as she dragged herself aboard, tail still in place. Rikki breathed air into Zane's mouth, but nothing happened. "Zane! Come on, Zane, don't do this to me!"

She breathed into his mouth again. Nothing.

"Zane, don't leave me," she whispered. "Don't you dare."

She pressed her lips to his, and she blew all the oxygen she could into his mouth. When nothing happened, she sobbed and collapsed by his side.

She felt a hand rub her back in a comforting manner, and she thought it was Cleo until a familiar voice murmured in her ear.

"I won't leave you. I promise."

Rikki pulled away, almost not daring to hope, and her blue eyes met Zane's.

"Zane!" she exclaimed, sweeping into an embrace.

They laid there in each other's arms before Rikki pulled away and slapped Zane at least ten times on his arm.

"Ow!" he complained.

"Never do that to me again!" she told him.

"Dude," Will said. "You made a mistake, but none of us want you dead because of it. Not even me or Sophie."

Zane nodded. "That means a lot, Will."

"Now, let's get you back to shore," Bella said. "Will, you can start driving while we dry off."

Will nodded and began driving towards shore while Rikki used her powers to dry them all off before she returned her gaze to Zane.

Rikki pressed a kiss to his lips.

"I love you, too," she told him. "Don't leave me like that again."

Zane smiled. "I won't."

The guilt was still there, but the weight on his chest grew a little bit lighter.

* * *

 _What did you think? I do have another H20 story on my other account. That account is called Paige1915 if you want to check the story out._

 _Thanks for reading, and I hope you all liked this short one shot!_


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